31 December 2010

Life… for better or for worse

You know life has handed me some pretty amazing people in my time. My friends know who you are and a few i consider my sisters like Emilie or Kenzie. But it is safe to admit that i have been looking for a male figure, someone to hang out with and not be girly and shit. G (not sure if I use his actual name so I'll use the street) . G is an amazing friend. You ever had one of those great friends of the opposite sex where you can be your fucked up self and they don''t care, be as gross as you want or whatever? G is one of those friends bringing me up when I'm down, never letting me feel like I don't belong. We hang out all the time. I always go over to work to "work" or "swim" but in actuality I'm hanging out and acting stupid with him. It's great because we don't always have to be stupid and crazy to have something in common. We have completely serious conversations about anything. It's kind of like having a boyfriend without all the baggage. It was funny, today G said that one day he wants to meet my ex… so he can give him a piece of mind(in short terms, kick his ass). I am so stoked! I honestly thought this year was going to suck. But slowly things a turning around (and only half way through the year…) Well life is good for me, I hope yours is successful.

03 December 2010


So my bumming mood is over! I have been forgiven! It wasn't the way I wanted or what I hoped for but it was something. Right?

30 November 2010


I am honestly feeling awful! (Incase you didn't see the title) I don't really have a clue of what to think anymore. I am no longer in hate but rather i am regretting everything i've said and i feel that the only way i can fix it is to write a letter that i can pour my heart into but considering the timing i am wrong and it would seem skanky. i keep having these awful nightmares but in reality it is just a repeat of what i did and said. To be honest, i keep thinking about what we did and i am heartbroken. i just wanted some time away you know cuz the summer of opportunities was coming up and i was tired of hurting. I don;t know what to do lets all hope i make the right choice.

22 November 2010

For truth

I believe that this past weekend I have truly connected with God! In some strange way I feel different and more mature. Listening to Justin Fatica's (LOOK HIM UP) talk really opened my eyes to the people around me. Not only the ones that I care for but the ones that I don't even know. I am truly upset that we had to leave early. But what he said will stay in my heart forever. I may listen to the music that is awful, I may cuss up a storm, but I am a God fearing Catholic girl who doesn't want to destroy her relationship with Our Lord Jesus Christ. As Justin said, "YOU ARE AMAZING AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU AREN'T!!!!" If you are a parent who doesn't know how to protect their kids from this world, get one of his books. If you are a teen who feels alone and without a purpose, get his books! God Bless Everyone in this joyful season!

18 October 2010

Today's topic: Dumbass People

mainly today i am just sick of people. Random people just walking in the hall that think they are the shiz are the worst. It's pretty hard to describe this hatred that you have for someone that you don't even know. Just the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they laugh and smile. it is so annoying how people think that they are right. your hair is huge your ass is unproportional… why are people so in love with you? Jealous, leeching people maybe? I honestly have no idea but what i do know is people just need to knock the fuck off!!!!!

17 October 2010

Dear peacekeeper

Yesterday was pretty epic, and probably the scariest night of my life thus far. I went over to Elly's for just a hang out night to kind of say, "Fuck all you people at homecoming dance". Well, it all went down hill when her bcbf showed up with his friend to take us to his place. Well, her bcbf was piss ass drunk. His friend soon left and it was just the three of us. The ass hole had the nerve to blow smoke in my face and call Elly a whore and slut. We couldn't get out of there. Then she asked for his friends number so we could get a ride and he freaked out for like 30 seconds and never gave us the number. Did i mention he spiked Elly's drink and I had to dump it out before she got too wasted. But, anyways, he was all like, "I gotta pee bitches" and i'm pretty disgusted and still trying to get ahold of somebody with her phone so we could get a ride. He stands up and strokes my arm and he's all like, "Wanna come with you could watch and do some stuff that she doesn't have to know about" and i was like "WTF NO! get your drunk ass outta my face." Well that sent him over the edge and he told me to fucking get out then he started screaming at Elly about her wanting to supposedly hook up with the guy that she asked the number for. So his dad was freaking out and screaming that he was gonna call the cops and finally Elly's dad got ahold of me and I got her outta there as fast as possible and we walked to the TCBY and her parents picked us up. It was a bunch of bull. The thing now is that neither of them remembers anything. I'm not entirely sure what all to tell them but all i know is i am fucking disgusted.

bcbf- booty call boy friend

09 October 2010


Hello my people! It's been awhile hasn't it!?
Okay so a catch up on my recent life… hmmmm i made an amazingly awesome bitchin' friend ELLY! Holy fuck she is the bomb. Just wait til i tell you a gist of it all.
So, I don't know if all these rumors are necessarily true or not but I have heard from a number of people that a certain jackass has been calling me a lezbo slut. Well, Mr Jackass I would like to state that I am not a lezbo slut. I shouldn't have to prove this to anyone but I guess that lil' tipsy feeling I have makes me want to redeem myself!
Reason 1: I am not a lezbo.
The term lezbo states that I am attracted to women and the fact of the matter is that I am so not. Let me tell you about a fun summer. I was at this party and I was buzzed this guy tried to get in my pants but I demanded he get me another drink first. Well, he did haha best make out ever! Take that fugga! (Charlie if you are reading this we should do it again sometime)
Reason 2: I am not a slut….
It only fucking happened once get your facts straight you piece of shit!
Okay so the few encounters I have had with Mr. Asshole are brief, very brief, I would like to point out that my dear friend does not like you. Do not flatter yourself for one second and think that someone so pretty could ever like you. She doesn't have a shred of attraction for you bitch. All the winks and waves were to get back at you for all the bull shitty comments that you have made and all the lies you have told all the glares I have seen that I know you'd try to deny. So Mr. Asshole go fuck yourself. Compare yourself to that of the bitchy liars that oppress our everyday lives you worthless bitch!
I would like to address the public in saying that last Sunday, October 3, would have been one year for us and for all the people who think that i was extremely depressed think again, please. On that day I watched a little YouTube video (no longer up) from his recent "heartbreak" saying how awful he is and I have realized that I made the right choice to dump that lousy freeloading poser.

I love you all sincerely,
Dumb ass American military teenage BRAT!

stfu-shut the fuck up

02 August 2010


"We must catch the feind who has been taking the most priceless DVDS!"

"But how will we do it madam?"

"Carefully i think we must use this priceless jeweled nail file in some way."

the servant walks over to the entertainment center and opens the bottom doors containing all the priceless DVDS. She looks behind the DVDs and see's a hole under the center.

"Look! there is a hole under this big enough for a small person to fit through"

"Hmmm these 7 DVD titles spell out something but there is an extra letter and they are jumbled."

"Take out an o madam"

"Oh my god it spells curious!"

"Madam an extra space is left on the shelf What will we do?"

"The nail file"

The detective inserts the nail file and a DVD rises from a secretcompartment that reads, "PRICELESS".

"Madam how...?"

"Carefully servant carefully. Quick we will catch the theif grab that slab of steel and when i say go slide it under the entertainment center. close the doors"


The detective opens the doors and out pops my mother who says BOO!!!!!!!!

It was all a dream a freaky dream lol

30 July 2010

Missing him!

daddy just left for 6 months im not gonna say anything out loud but kenzies dad was supposed to be gone 6 months and was gone for a year

29 July 2010

Tears of pain and woe

My daddy is in the air force and will be leaving tomorrow morning for an undisclosed location He is the peace keeper in the house and i will miss him so so much and i cant quit crying!

17 June 2010


Alot is going on in my life right now.
Everything is falling into place.
I can drive! I have a job! I have a checking account!
Everything is perfect!
today I got up bright and early only to see it was thunderstorming (i love thunderstorms btw)and i drove my brother to swim lessons to find they were cancelled so i had to take him with me to my inprocessing meeting for work then found out i left the lights on in my car so my dad had to jump the battery. I got fingerprinted and got my Common Access Card ID for work and then got a run through on everything i have to do for work. now i wait for 540ish so i cna go babysit! I love driving without a paranoid parental butt sitting next to me!!!!

13 June 2010

Loveless life

I am tired. I am tired of being so played by everyone, family, "friends". I know i had love. I'm sure I did. But it didn't make me happy. I'm sorry but it really didn't. I thought I was. I thought I'd be happier single. I'm not. I guess nothing makes me permanently happy. Just happy in the here and now. Unless that here and now is with my family. I'm just not happy. I'm unworthy of love. I need help. But I won't get it.

07 June 2010


Now that I can say this without anyone getting offended (actually they still will I just don’t care anymore) I will say this I HATE IT when people can’t text!!! Like they try to make words smaller and all text talk but it ends up seeming like they can’t text like they just don’t have a mental problem or SOMETHING! Or if they can’t pronounce words or screw them up… like supposed and expose ya that’s right i’m talking about you kid… You did it all the damn time and it was just one of the things that PISSED. ME. OFF. ! Lol!!! Well ya people puh-lease learn to text!!! Mainly you!!!!!

01 June 2010

My explanation

So today I saw a comment on my short story, "Dark Abyss" that asked why I write sad endings. So I will explain my theory.

Love is only a fairy tale. Only a glimpse of the love we hold in our hearts for God. Lust is what we approach everyday for that male or female companion. Love is only between a parent and child as God loves us, his children. All the happy ending stories are happy but only for a short while. I doubt it every remains that hapy or they remain that "in-love". Eventually it ends. Sadly I have discovered this all too late myself but one must go on. Every "love" ends in heart break from separation to death. No fairy tale lasts forever, therefore the love we hold for our companions doesn't either. The only love that remains is a parent for their children, children to parent and God to children, children to God. I know many think they are in love but truly think about the love you hold for God compared to everyone else... Which is more real?

26 May 2010


Thank the LORD! Things are finally going back to the way they should be!!!
I got my Facebook back under my control!
I get to have my Sweet 16 and more than just 2 people are coming!
Friends have figured things out!
ILML again!

ILML=I Love My Life

25 May 2010

Still uber pissy

So this is my last week as a sophmore... My mother has ruined it completely. No sweet 16 no friends no anything. I really do hate her but now it seems I have friend problems and I am fucking staying out of it. K was mad at S for ditching her since S is dating A. I can understand that. Now the chances of me seeing friends are slim to none this summer. I want to spend time with S and SS and J and K and A and SF all of my friends I don't want to be caught in a fight. With things that have been going on the last thing i need is more drama so K and S i have decided that if i have to choose anyone i will choose no one. Now tell me if this is fkd up. S ate lunch with our usual group... N SS K J A and me K and N got up and left right after they were done eating... i wasn't done and was enjoying myself when usually i go with K I didnt see her until we went to the entry way and she just left then i saw her at her locker and started walkin towards her and she takes off fast... Is this fkd up or what... WHAT THE HEL DID I DO!?!?!?!?!?!!

24 May 2010

Fuck her

I hate my mom
I hate her so
She don't know what she saying
She hits so low
These things she say
are false indeed
but as far as she thinks
what she got is what she need
she is a ho beyond belief
she don't know what she is talking about
can't you see!

So my mom is a fucking cunt and says i am never safe saying i should't have a facebbok because it is so unsafe... well i say fuck her and i'lldo what i want and frankly i don't care what anybody think anymore eveyone here has or will piss me off... so no party for my birthday because she is a skank I hate her and i promise that when i marry with kids she will never see me again unless i am dead.

19 May 2010

Single ladies... (and my comments)

All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies

Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
Decided to dip and now you wanna trip
Cause another brother noticed me (not really)

I'm up on him, he up on me
Don't pay him any attention
Just cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can't be mad at me (not 3 years... and there isnt another guy...)

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (okay so you did but still)
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (like i said in the ^above^

I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Got me tighter in my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I can care less what you think (i dont care so ha!)

I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn and now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me (HELLZ YA!)

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (...)
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it( ^^^^^^^^^)
Oh, oh, oh

Don't treat me to the things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve (mmhmm)

Here's a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms, say I'm the one you own
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost Ill be gone (AGREE... anyone else?)

All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up, oh, oh, oh

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (yada yada)
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it (^blah blah^)
Oh, oh, oh

18 May 2010


So excited ya know! My birthday is on the 31st! Sweet 16 here I come!!!! Too bad i like dont get much of a party but i invited 5 of my good friends to see Letter to Juliet and then come back over to stay the night... get us girls together and it will be wild. hoping that i will be able to rent a movie off of the tv.... maybe something with a sexy shirtless guy.... speaking of there has been this movie on the pst few days with an actor i know nothing of that has his shirt off most of the movie and it just is sooooooo HOT!!!! LOL gotta love hot guys right?! Right now i should be dong an assignment in math so.... oh well... i have until friday....... LOL so hyper just in a good freaking mood... LOLLOLOLOLOL why does this kid keep looking at me.... <-- MATT YOU'RE SO WEIRD!!!! LOL JK LY!


Dark Abyss

So I finally have a chance to post this dang thing since it has been on a damed computer at school for forevr and a day.... ENJOY!

Slowly shuffling along the edge, backs pressed against the wall, they breathe a sigh of relief for the end of the six inch ledge is just feet away. The air escapes their bodies slowly as air being relieved from a tire. Pebbles fall into the dark, bottomless cavern below. They stop.
“Please be careful,” she whispers so quietly he almost couldn’t hear, “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Oh believe me, I am being careful.”
She can’t help but to glance below every few minutes. All of the belongings they had brought with them were at the bottom now, never to be retrieved again. She closed her eyes and looked up attempting to squeeze the wall for dear life. A hand slipped over hers and she opened her eyes and looked into his. She saw the ocean through his clear blue hopeful eyes and couldn’t look away.
She truly loved him and this day would have been perfect if it wasn’t’ for the sudden collapse of the floor in the cave they had chosen to sleep in on their safari. They only had just enough time to thrust themselves against the wall and cling for safety as they watched all their supplies fall below. And now they hold to the edge and scoot across the small ledge to safety.
He looked into her eyes and said ever so hopefully, “Are you ready? I know we can do this.”
She closed he eyes in recognition, too scared to say anything out loud but he knew she was ready. He slipped his foot not even and inch in front of him and gently pushed to check for sturdiness. He then slid his back foot into the exact spot his previous foot had been. He did this several more times and each time his love followed him. Silence overtook them and soon all consciousness failed her. She subconsciously quit feeling in front of her and just slid her way along the wall.
The wall gave away as she moved her front foot. She clawed at the wall as she spun to fall. Energy shot she found a notch on the ledge and held with all her might. He snapped his neck back in her direction and uttered a gasp that could’ve been heard around the world if it had been a scream. He slowly slid further down the ledge, only inches from the safety, and was able to balance himself, legs separated. He reached down for her, trying to convince her to let go with just one hand. But she just couldn’t do it.
“Leave me!” She uttered through her tears a muffled scream, “Just leave!”
“I couldn’t go a day without you, not a moment, now please give me your hand. I’d rather die than go on with out you.”
He reached for her hand and she slowly slid hers along the wall towards his. She grasped the edge and he moved closer. The wall below him broke free and he plummeted to the bottom of the dark and deep hole.
Slowly she heard the screams dissipate into the darkness. Overwhelming pain and grief overcame her as she burst into crying screams of terror and the wall shook. The ceiling fell from above and wiped her below to her death

17 May 2010

I look so good (without you)

I swear i'm not stealing!!!!!
Just had to get this out there!!!
(i changed some words)

Mmmm yeahhh mmm.
Hey boy i would have thought that when i left you
I'd be broken with my confidence gone, so gone

Hey boy I would have thought that when i said
that i dont want you..
I'd feel ugly n sense something was wrong..
Standin' front of the mirror.. my skins never been clearer
My smile has never been brighter.

I look so good without you,
Got me a new hairdo
Looking fresh n brand new
since i said "that were through"
Done.. with your lies,
Baby now my tears dried
You can see my blue eyes
Ever since i said goodbye
I look so good, i look so good without you
I look so good, i look so good without you

Hey i never would have thought that when i left you
I'd feel so sexy and so good in my skin.. again
And i never would have known, that I'd be dreamin' so much better without you in my head
Standin' in front of the mirror, my clothes never fit better..
My life's never been brighter..

I look so good without you
Got me a new hairdo
Looking fresh & brand new
Since i said "that were through"
Done.. with your lies
Baby now my tears dried
You can see my blue eyes
Ever since i said goodbye.
I look so good, I look so good without you
I look so good, I look so good without you.

Now baby my bodys lookin' better than before
Aint bitin' my nails since i walked out of the door.
I realized now i deserve so much more, than what you give
Than what you give.. ohh ohh

I look so good without you
Got me a new hairdo
Looking fresh & brand new
Since i said "that were through"
I look so good without you,
Got me a new hairdo
Looking fresh & brand new
Since i said "that were through"
Done.. with your lies
Baby now my tears dried
You can see my blue eyes
Ever since you said goodbye

I look so good without you
Got me a new hairdo
Lookin' fresh n brand new
Since i said "that we're through"
Done.. with your lies
Baby now my tears dried
You can see my blue eyes
Ever since you said goodbye
I look so good, I look so good without you
I look so good, I look so good without you


06 May 2010

Depth of death

They jumped over the edge and as she did the cap just fell right off of her head revealing her golden curls. The men standing on board gasped in amazement at what they saw. The two secret lovers dove below the surface as an explosion erupted from the ship. Scraps of wood and all the belongings of the sailors blew into the air and nestled themselves gently on the water. The man and woman rose to the surface and fought for air grabbing onto a shattered wooden board. The board soared along the waves that thrashed the couple about crashing into other remnants of the disaster and tore away at the man’s hide. He attempted to stay aboard the shard the only thing that kept him from plummeting to his death was her. As the waves calmed, he lifted his head to see her slipping away from him. She had been knocked out by an unknown object and was lifeless. She slipped and he reached for her. But alas he was too late. She fell below the board and sank into the bottomless abyss we call the sea. He was left alone on the shard of wood. Blistered, torn, and slivered. No longer had he, the chance to live, the fight or will. Yet he could not bring himself to the torture of suffocation and his lungs collapsing as they fill with water. He used the little strength he had left to pull himself on top of the driftwood and took his last few breathes and movements to pull out a bled picture of his love and simply whisper , “I love you” as he died of exhaustion and a broken heart.

Not actual encounter

05 May 2010

Bus rides -> New girl EMBRACE IT!

I really hate riding the bus wen the damd driver has 2 pik up extra streets. Instead of the peaceful 6 of us its a full bus. A full bus of mostly anoying freshmen.
Now who hates freshmen? I DO! They annoy the $hit out of me. Parayding around the hals acting 2 cool for skool in reality they just started hi skool its more the seniors who should be 2 cool for skool. Or evn betr yet the seniors in colege shood b the ones prouncing around cuz ges wat! THEY R DONE!
I may b a sophmore myself but it seems as tho they r almost as bad. Im sure evry1 has seen that group of girls or evn guys that no1 wants 2 admit they no or r evn in the same class. 9/10 ( <-- actual statistic) thos girls r sophmores.
Why cant evry1 just giv up and act like an idiot like me and my wondrful frends tho im sure im the most weird and stupid and posbly the nicest person u wil evr meet unles u get on my bad side. Dont alwaz judge the girl who is full of life and is embracing it evry way she can. Dont say she is weird until uv met her u mite actualy end up realy enjoying the time u hav with her. Or betr yet b frends with the poor new girl. Dont shun her out. Put urself in her shoes and talk to her.


04 May 2010

Nvr evr

I hav only ever left 2 things on the computer desk and not found them aftr my fathers cleanin sprees.
Last year I left my jump drive then I had 2g2 school on a down day and forgot that it was in the computer. Since my dad didnt hav 2 work he cleaned the house which was nice but he cleaned the computer desk which ment moving my jump drive and then forgetting where he put it.
Then this morning I discovered my MP3 charger was missing after I left it in the computer in a hurried attempt 2 leave the house 2 babysit. But this time i found it. It was shoved in the camera case with all of its various cords cuz he thought that was where it went.
So in conclusion to all you future husbands and fathers (my mom has had problems 2) dont clean without asking first im sure its appreciated much more.

03 May 2010


So this kid jake found a puddle of white $hit on the bus and i sed 000000 sum1 had fun did u use a pic of ur gf or of a gorilla

01 May 2010

Nucken Futs

So right now i am hooked up mobily to twitter facebook and blogger LMAO! Isn't that just nucken futs-my word no borrowing or stealing

Long and boring!

PSH! Whatev! So today my day consisted of swimming and not even getting to make it to 2000 meters... babysitting coming home and doing nothing I got so bored I watched the hills and the city! PSH never again will i be this bored... Even worse my boyfriends fone died so no texting him while he is out of town. ):P

24 April 2010

Free coffee with a yell

So fking cool! I got a free coffee! They were getting ready to change the pots so FREE!!! When I got home I went to put the dogs out and knocked the laptop charger out of the wall. PMFA! Dad flipped out! So much for a good day...

*PMFA-Pardon my fat a$$