31 July 2011


This happened before i even got the chance to tell him how i feel. It was completely random
After a nice dicussion… here is what I get:
S:In all reality i shouldn't even be with you. your too young

Me: After the past few monthes… u decide this now?!?!

S: Yes. I have a military career now and i cant afford to screw it up.

Me: Wow thank you for telling me now… after i have made a fool of myself

S: Well I know how you feel i dont want to but i gotta think of whats best for you and me

Me: When exactly were you planning on saying anything? Or were you gonna just blow it off

S: I wasn't blowing it off I was trying to think of a way to say it without anyone getting hurt but i guess i suck at giving news to anyone

Me: You suck at timing… btw that is the definition of blowing it off

S: What else do u want me to say. im a horrible guy i know this

Me: No you aren't
Now i'm curious and bear with me one this…when did you decide u wanted to end this?

S: I dont have a good answer for you. i really dont and i wish i did

Me: i do too cuz that would either make me very relieved or very very angry but now i guess im stuck

S:If your gonna get mad at me for this make sure its for the right reasons. All I wanted us to be was a lil touch and grab thats all and obviously after you are sexually with someone some feelings develop and i know how you feel about me. i should've stopped sooner but i couldnt

Me: Im mad that you didnt say anything earlier because now i feel like an idiot again

S: you have every right to be pissed at me

Me: damn straight i do but im not all that mad at U

S: well you cant blame me entirely on this one u were part of it too

Me: i dont regret it unlike u… i am an idiot

S: Just sayin it takes 2

Me: Ik i called myself an idiot would u rather i call myself a whore or something?!?!?!

S: Idiot is fine

Me: okay im just upset
Are you sure you don't knwo when you decided u were don or do u just not want to tell me?

S: a lil of both

Me: Please tell me

S: Im not ready

Me: Please.

S: I cant not yet

Me: I need to know
I dont want to get fucked over again please tell me this isnt just about you

S: I was still in love with my ex and i needed an escape and you were my escape but im too stupid to realize how dumb i really am

Me: k

S: Go ahead fuckin yell make yourself feel better i deserve it

Me: Honestly i cant think of anyting to say. i have spent the last 20 minutes trying to think of something but i give up.

S: i'm sorry thats all i got

Me: Of course you are
It's my fault I let my guard down I trusted you and I got used and hurt AGAIN the SAME way just you skipped the bull shit on your half
So thanks for everything really it was a blast but i think it's best if we just have nothing to do with each other for awhile til then have a nice life

so again my heart has been ripped out and i dont want to go through stupid fucking shit all over again especially with who this guy is and who his family is

Use me once shame on you
Use me twice shame on me
… I fuckin hate men!

30 July 2011


Tell me, how the hell did I fuck up so bad?
Was it just by fucking in general?
Please someone tell me the answer!
I'm screwing my head up more than he did!

Tuesday, August 2nd, the guy I fell for will leave. The odds of me seeing him again are against me. He doesn't know how I feel. Should I tell him? I know he probably doesn't feel the same back. So why would it hurt if he knew? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE!

26 July 2011

Cry for help

I'm sending out this cry for help.
I'm trying to re-design myself. Get a new look and new me.
I've dyed my hair blonde.
Gotten facial after facial.
Gotten my nails professionally done.
Wear make up no matter what.
Made my boobs perkier with exercise and went up a size.
Lost 3 inches of my waist and 12 lbs total.
Gained muscle.
And finally stay shaved soft and smooth.
I am trying to lose more weight.

9 muffins went missing from the fridge this morning… I ate 2. I have no idea where the others are.

Kathren Jane where are the damn muffins?
I don't know.
How many have you had?
I had 2 at 7 when I got up to pee.
Bull shit!
You ate all of them!
No I didn't!
Then why are the muffins gone?
Uh, you ever think that maybe someone else ate them?
Bull shit fat ass!
Excuse me?! Look at yourself. You ain't no supermodel!
You ate them!
I'm trying to lose weight. You've seen what I eat! Why the fuck would I eat 9 damn muffins if I want to lose wieght!?!?!?!?!?

Lori, she has a point.

24 July 2011

Long over due R.I.P.

Austin! We love you so much and every time I think about you I burst into tears! What I would give to be with everyone else who loves you so much is impossible to say! It is so tragic and horrifying! You were such a great guy! Anyone who didn't like you should have taken your place!


I would just like to make an announcement of how very proud I am of my daddy!!! He made SMSgt!! I'm so proud of him! Next goal… CMSgt! I love you daddy!!!!!

SMSgt Stripes

11 July 2011

Mierda mi vida

You win. You were right. I lied to you so you'd know I didn't miss you. Things we did I now regret. I thought I wouldn't but after this stunt, I do. I am fucking done. You are an ass hole and I never NEVER want to speak to you again!